


i am stained inside

by FancifulRivers



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Chara isn't the only one who struggles with that timeline, Chara turns into an awkward self help therapist, Frisk is not an innocent sweetheart, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, No Mercy Route mentions, Non-Binary Chara, Non-Binary Frisk, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Undertale Soulless Pacifist Route, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 03:11:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15452097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulRivers/pseuds/FancifulRivers
Summary: Frisk has a hard time dealing with the world sometimes.





	i am stained inside

You hate yourself sometimes.

Well, that's a lie. You  _always_ hate yourself, but you hate yourself in particular when  _those_ memories trickle in, sifting through your mind like dust through your fingers. You remember the feel of the knife slipping between your surrogate mother's ribs and the shock on her face and it makes you want to throw up. You don't even know why you did it anymore. It's all locked up in the back of your head, where all the shittiest memories reside, like what  _really_ happened in kindergarten with the creepy substitute teacher that had clammy hands and breath that smelled too strongly of cigarettes, and cutting lines across your stomach with your mother's stolen razor in fourth grade, and how you spent most of your life living in an actual closet because your family was poor as shit and nobody cared enough to scrounge you an actual room.

Chara's the only person who understands, but you can't burden them with this. You don't  _want_ to burden them with this. They've dealt with too much of your bullshit already and now should be their time to shine, living with their family and having their own body again. You're the fuck up, you're the failure, and you're the one who shouldn't even  _be_ here (you carefully don't think about the fact that your birth family never even filed a missing persons report, which is why it was so easy for Toriel to get custody of you).

It hurts. All of it hurts and you don't even realise you're doing it until you look down at your arms and discover you have bloody, stinging scratches trailing all the way up to your elbows. At least you ooze blood, not dust.

Chara comes into the bedroom you share, takes one look at you, and sighs.

"You're doing it again, aren't you," they say. Their voice is hoarse and it sounds like maybe they should switch to signing, but you don't suggest it. You already know how that goes.

"What?" You ask, playing dumb. Chara raises both eyebrows, then plops on the bed next to you.

"That, for one," they say, pointing at your arms. You flush out to your ears, tugging the sleeves of your sweater over the wounds.

"Maybe we should tell Mom," Chara contemplates, staring at the ceiling.

"Right," you scoff. "That would go over well. Hey, Mom, we have the power to reset time, oh, and we killed you once."

"To be fair, she's killed you," Chara points out. "Most of the monsters have. Tit for tat?"

"Chara, don't say that," you say. "That's not the same."

"I mean, it kinda is," they say, but they don't push it, they just sit quietly next to you.

"Isn't it bad enough Sans knows?" You ask. "And Papyrus maybe. I don't know. He's hard to figure out."

"To you," Chara says, snorting. "But all right, yeah, maybe. So? They still love you, don't they?"

"And you," you add, although you aren't too sure about that. Papyrus, yes, because Papyrus loves everyone. But Sans and Chara have a very...interesting relationship.

"If that's what you call love, I'd hate to see what you call hate," Chara says. They push your shoulder, kind of playfully, kind of not. Their face looks stormy.

"Why'd you come back here, anyway?" You ask, changing the subject.

"What, I can't just come see my favorite Frisky?" Chara asks. You make a face at the hated nickname.

"No," you say. "I know you." Chara sighs, flopping back on the bed and sprawling out.

"Trashbag," they say after a moment. "Cozying up with Mom. It's... I know that Mom and Dad aren't together anymore, but I don't get why Mom wants to be in a relationship with a bucket of bones.  _Annoying_ bones."

"She likes jokes," you say. "And puns. And he's nice to her. I don't know. I never saw her with Asgore."

Chara bites their bottom lip.

"Guess not," they say. "If she actually  _does stuff_ with him, I'm finding the nearest buttercup field."

"Chara!" You exclaim, smacking their hand. "Don't even joke."

A lazy smile crosses their face.

"Why not?" They ask. "Suck it up, buttercup, I'm just taking it literally."

"You're a jerk," you say, but you don't mean it, and they know it. They poke you with the tip of their shoe.

"You should ask Mom to fix your arms," Chara says after a moment. You frown. 

"I don't think that's a good idea," you say. "She- she doesn't know-" Chara sits up, red eyes widening.

"What do you mean, she doesn't know?" Chara demands. "What, is this the first time you've fucked yourself up on the surface or what?"

"No," you admit, reddening. "I just- I don't tell her. That's all."

"Why not?" Chara asks. You hesitate.

"I don't know," you say. "I just- I don't feel like I deserve it."

"Neither do I, but Mom does it anyway," Chara says promptly. "And she's always fixing up Azzy when he trips and shit."

"Yeah, but Azzy's-" You stop.  _Azzy's her child,_ you want to say. Asriel is hers and Chara is hers and you're just the weird kid who fell into the underground and somehow bumbled their way out (after a lot of bad times). You don't deserve healing magic and you don't deserve warm pie and you don't deserve-

Well, you don't deserve  _anything_.

"You're just as much her kid as I am," Chara says, voice intent. "I mean, I guess you don't  _have_ to do jack shit, but she'd wanna help you. Hell, even the bonebag would wanna help you."

"But-" you start to object, remembering the feel of dust on your hands, gritting beneath your feet. 

"Regardless of that timeline," Chara interrupts you. "It doesn't matter. What matters is  _here_ and  _now_." You sigh.

"Okay," you say in a tiny voice. "If you come with me."

Chara smiles smugly.

"Of course," they say as they scoot to the edge of the bed, fully prepared to drag you into the living room.

It's kind of nice.


End file.
